He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
