Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
