I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize