HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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