i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
