i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
