Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
