went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
