just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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