She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
