I wish I could teleport
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
