Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
