You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I understand Curling. That high.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
