So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
