that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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