i just wanna soil my oats bro
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
