I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
