What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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