I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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