Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
