Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
