I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
there was a trapeze. enough said
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
wow bdsm is so cute
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
