Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think your dad took our porno
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize