I wish I could punch you in the face.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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