so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
