I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
