I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
