So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
