i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
