Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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