I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
it glows. i had to have it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
