Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize