hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
