is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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