just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
