i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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