I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
