quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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