And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
