I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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