There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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