Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
