How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
