do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
