She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
