We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I cut my penus on the lid.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
