No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
