Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
