She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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