Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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