Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
