You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
