he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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