whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
