my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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