im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
