soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
