I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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