This is not my ceiling
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
