my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
