I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
