my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
