i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
