i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
