listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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