at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just gift wrapped bread.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
