Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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